My youngest daughter, who is 11, showed me a Youtube video of two comedians discussing birth order and how it affects personalities. It was as hilarious as it was spot on. According to the video, the youngest child is the most irresponsible, mainly because they never have to do anything since everyone is doing everything for them. This is so true. With my two older children, they were required to make their beds everyday, pick up after themselves, and make their lunches from first grade on. But yet with the third kid, she is in the fifth grade and I still make her bed and her lunch every morning, and I’m constantly pick up her clothes, shoes, hair ties, etc. I started to think about why I do these things for her. Am I picking my battles? No, I’m not opposed to sending her to school without lunch because she didn’t get up in time to make it or without clean underwear because she didn’t put it in her laundry bag. Is it just easier to do it myself? No, it’s actually harder. I’m usually happy to let them learn a lesson the hard way if it means less for me to do. The real reason is that I want to do these things for her. I feel a connection to her when I make her lunch, maybe she will think of me at lunch today, especially if I put in a note or a homemade cookie. Her bed is still warm when I make it, her pajamas on the floor smell like her shampoo. I spend a moment looking around her room, noticing how she arranged the lotions on her nightstand in a straight line, how she hung up her track ribbons from last week’s meet on her bulletin board, what she wrote on her whiteboard calendar. The reason I do so much for her is because she is my last child.
May is emotionally the hardest month of the year for me, and every year it gets worse. My kids’ birthdays don’t affect me nearly as much as their graduation to the next grade level, and this May I will have one graduating middle school and one graduating elementary school. My last and final elementary school kid. The fact that they leave for month long summer camp a week after school lets out doesn’t help my fragile state. Every year I know more kids graduating high school and going off to college, have more friends empty nesting, and am one year closer to being in the same place. Last May, my oldest broke up with her boyfriend of a few months. I was devastated, honestly because I think I just couldn’t handle one more loss. She will be starting her senior year of high school this fall, so in the coming months we will be embarking on a full year of last times.
So maybe I’m holding on to these connections with my youngest for good reason, because any day now she could decide to start making her own lunch, just like her sister did, because she wants to be in charge of what gets packed in her lunch bag. At some point she will start making her bed and picking up her clothes (maybe) because she doesn’t necessarily want me “snooping” around her room anymore. And then I will chalk up a few more final last times.
Cathartic musings 